December is only days away.

The last month of the second year of my life without my mother.

This is my second christmas without her.

The first Christmas without her , went by in an undistinguishable blur...

an intentional blur....

thank goodness the kidlets are so young, the holidays have no meaning yet.

I didn't celebrate the holidays at all last year.

I didn't 'do' thanksgiving this year either.

 

It's only been now that I've started 'grieving'  her absence. My counselor is helping me learn to grieve

(apparently there is a 'process' involved)

The holidays are especially hard because they were always such a big deal to her. She LOVED the christmas holidays. I inherited 5 huge storage boxes of christmas decorations from her. Including a 'gross' of UNICEF xmas cards from 1971 (so if you get a vintage xmas card in the mail, from me, you'll know it's origins). My childhood memories of Christmas are loaded with memories of my mom, all the holiday things she did, the traditions she created for us. The threat every christmas morning, that we would have to sit down and eat breakfast, BEFORE opening the gifts (we NEVER did).

If I didn't have kids, and I was totally consumed by my career, I can see how I'd probably 'stuff' all the feelings and emotions down, become a scrooge  (no more holidays for me...too painful).

BUT

I do have kids, and I need to overcome my grief of the loss of my mother, and give myself room to fill my children with the same sense of magic that my mom did for my brother and I.

Sounds so easy, but I have to do the 'process' frist.

Luckily I still have weeks til christmas,

So hopefully by the time it's here,

I'll have 'grieved' enough, to enjoy the new meaning of christmas in my life,

 in a way that honours and includes my mother as well.

 

I sure miss her.

It's going to be a challenging holiday season.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over a year ago , I was diagnosed with 'major postpartum depression'

I began attending a support grp. for postpartum moms  (once my 'time' on the waiting list for a placement was done).

It's ten months later now...

I still go to my precious meetings every week, religiously.

I have a nearly 100% attendance record.

 

I was faced with the prospect of not going this week, because my landlady told me the carpet layer (for Eryn's room) was coming at the same time my meeting's scheduled.

Knowing I'd have to miss my meeting,

I was pretty grumbly this morning, trying to sort out how I'd 'cope' for the day  (its been a tough week already, and Eryn's been with me ALLLLL week), to top it off, it's been piss-pouring rain here everyday, trapping us inside  (my kids dont have all the proper rain gear yet).

 

BUT THEN

this morning, my landlady came to tell us that the carpet layer had cancelled and rescheduled...

so now

I CAN go to my meeting.

I am sooooo relieved.

 

 

I love my grp meetings.

I love the facilities, the facilitator, the girlz in the grp. and the childminding.

It's a quick 2 hour meeting, but it's MINE.

it's 2 hours for ME, where I know my kids will be well looked after, and well stimulated.

I get a break, I get to vent, I get to 'deal' with issues, I get to SIT DOWN for 2 straight hours, I get to relate to the other mom's issues too.

 

Though a mom's time in the grp may vary... mom's come and go as quick as 4 months, or linger for a year & a half.

I know my time left with this group is limited. My post partum depression is significantly improved, and remains that way, so long as I don't get too overwhelmed  (hence the 2 days in daycare for Eryn).

I am VERY overwhelmed this week,

so I really need my 2 hour break

and now, because of the carpet cancellation....

I GET TO GO!!!!

 

Here's a couple pics I've taken of the kids at the childminding room, where they get to play for 2 hours straight.

They LOVE all the NEW toys this room has, they LOVE going to the meetings too..

 

 

 

 

Daddy's are valued for their horsin' around..

It's scientifically shown that kids benefit from rough & tumble play with their dad's..Least that what the BBC documentary Child Of Our Time asserts.

Well, my kids have plenty of 'rough & tumble' in Gary

He seems to incorporate play with workout..

letting them play 'horsey' while he does push ups..

or 'bench pressing' the kids in a 'flying' game

or letting them jump on his stomach as a replacement for 'crunches'.

Kids sure love it..

It sure ain't something I got the energy or endurance to do..

not with 2 of them on me..

 

 

I'll try to add a video clip to my media player, or Gary tossin the kids around....

 

 

A couple months ago,

being at my wits end, I told Gary we needed to make a change, that I wasn't managing very well, having both kids all day, everyday, by myself.  He said he'd support me with whatever I needed to do.

I started looking for daycare's

After exhausting the YMCA's list of suggestions,

I returned to the daycare I was using.

Luckily, Chris was able to take Eryn in twice a week.

 

We are now on our second week of daycare.

Last week, Eryn was at daycare all day Tuesday & Thursday.

Gary drops her off their on his way to work.

I pick her up at 5pm.

 

This gives me a whole day with just Aiden.

It was while Eryn was in daycare that Aiden successful learned to communicate his sister's name 

(see previous blog for details).

But 2 whole days a week with only my lil guy, is like a freakin vacation.

It's exactly what I needed.

It what Aiden needs too, as well as Eryn.

 

I mean no offense to those with a singleton child, but

just having one child to care for is a breather.

It's a vacation

it's NOT stressful, it's almost unwinding..

 

It's all realative, of course.

If I was crazy enough to have three kids, then just having 2 would be a break too..

I understand all that...

but when I DO get my lil guy to myself,

it's such a relief, in comparison.

(be sure to take a note of that, all you out there considering on doubling your 'litter', if there's ample YEARS between the babies...then multiple kids could be a breeze too..)

But at one point I had 2 kids under 2.

Now I have 2 kids under 3

It's freaking tough.

 

I get a sanity break,

Aiden gets mommy to himself,

Eryn gets to learn independance away from mommy, and forge new relationships on her own.

She gets to experience a preschool sneak peek,  at her daycare, she gets circle time, songs, lots of outside time,no matter the weather..alot of structure, like a preschool. It's all enrichment for her.

And now

I get the opportunity to do special things with Aiden, that I got to do with Eryn as well,

Like, library story time, open toddler gym at the rec. centres, swimming, running round the mall, any other special activity I can think of...

 

 

It's been fantastic so far...

It's such a change I can't say I'm used to it yet,

It's so new, I'm not used to depending on it yet..

It's made me realize how stretched I was... trying to meet the needs of both kids at the same time..

 

It was getting increasingly difficult to say;  play something with Eryn, like playdough, for instance, AND play with Aiden at the same time, especially as he always wants to do what sister is doing..but he doesn't 'play' playdough, he just eats it...

So, to solve the problem, I try and play something else with Aiden at the same time..maybe blocks, for example...

but in juggling both of them, neither one gets my undivided attention...ever...unless one is napping and one is awake...

If I try to play with just one, and have the other play independantly...the inevitable happens...destruction...for attention.

Aiden would start scaling the book shelves...or if it was Eryn,  she'll just start thowing temper tantrums...and the dreaded...whining...

ugh

 

SO,

so far, this story has a happy ending...

2 days a week in daycare....

for now..

maybe just for a few months..

maybe longer...

 

YAY  for finding a daycare and squeeeezing the needed $ out of our budget.

 

 

 

Gary & I got to got out again together,

this time we got to join in celebrating Brad & Kalinda's legal union  (they got hitched in mexico).

They held a reception at the Steamworks Party room, what a great place!

Lots of fun to hang out, enjoy a few drinks, and leisurely catch up with peeps I haven't seen in months.

As well as all the yummy appy's being walked around.

Kalinda looked gorgeous, Brad looked handsome too, together they looked extremely happy!

We had a great evening.

We even opted to take the skytrain all the way down to 'gastown', so that we could both enjoy some drinks.

Always an experience riding the skytrain home at midnight on a saturday....

hehehe

 

Saturday we also had our 3rd swim lesson with the kids.

I tried taking photos with an underwater disposable camera I had purchased, for the occasion.

But apparently, it wasn't waterproof, let alone water tight...

so none of the pictures turned out, and alltogether, total cost  $20 , I'm out..

Haven't figured out how esle I can capture the 'moment' having  our family swim lessons.

Aiden is getting better. He even enjoys the hot tub now.

Eryn's favourite is still jumping into the water from the. She lands in water she can stand in, and climbs right out again to jump again.

She's loving the hot tub, especially all the bubbles.

We practise some of the swimming 'positins' and techniques in the bath tub too.

Both of them can blow bubbles into the water now.

 

 

Sunday,

a typical autumny day in B.C., pisspouring rain, and bloody dark all the live long day.

Gary braved the downpour to take Eryn to the mall to run around, because she and Aiden were at each others' throats...pretty much..

so

the tactic is;

divide and conquer!

So , he left with Eryn, and Aiden and I got to  play  'playdough',  and draw while watching 'Cars'  (finally a movie HE really likes).

 

Eryn's bedtime routine has been getting ever more troublesome..

each night taking longer and seemingly longer before she'll drift off to sleep..or even stay in her bed.

 

I tried a new 'tactic' tonight...

set down a different rule..

she tested it once, and stayed in bed..

so , tonight it only took a half hour to get to bed..

that's including the fun stuff, like reading stories and singing a song.

 

Aiden managed to say:   'grapes'  today

He's very food motivated, apparently  (hehehe)

he loves red grapes, and wanted more, soo badly, he managed the ggg  rrr  combination

gggrrAps

it sounds like.

everyday it seems, he's getting better at annuciating his sounds.

 

 

Here's some photo's of 'Bra-linda's Reception.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My 'lil' boy is officially 18 months old now.

He'll be getting his official check up next week, along with the shots... :P

He's sure blossomed into a real lil boy.

He LOVES his lil hot wheels cars, trains, vehicles of any kind, really.

We got him his first lil remote control bulldozer, he was shrieking with delight!

He loves trying on shoes,

turning anything within reach on-off-on-off-on

he has climbed everything in our home.

He has scaled the shelves, summeted all tables, chairs & high chairs,

He will move chairs, boxes, bins, whatever he can find, over to the counter, climb on them, so he can reach  the 'forbidden zone' , the otherwise only 'stash zone' we have. 

He's squirmed into places I hadn't considered 'squirmable', he's flipped over and carried things away, I hadn't considered possible. He's able to get into and out of the bath, himself.

We have no use for playpens, not since August, when he was able to escape out of  and climb into 3 different playpens  (so far NOT his crib..keep fingers crossed for us!)

 

He is a pleasure to feed. He loves his food, seldom refuses anything, he's happy to feed himself, or be fed, he can use a fork and spoon, he can drink from a cup, but would rather dump it, and play in the mess. He's a cinch to put to bed, and sleeps thru the night consistently  (yippy!!!). And now that he has a room to himself, he's been sleeping in later in the mornings  ( double YAY).  

Changing diapers and dressing him is a cross between steer wrestling and aligator wrestling  (when he goes into his 'death roll')

He is very stubborn  (he IS a taurus, afterall)  and is very vocal about expressing his desires to do something himself, or if his sister has yet again , taken from him, what he was playing with, he can SCREECH and squeal with the best of them.  He's just beginning to show an interst in books, other  than to eat them or rip them, or otherwise destroy them.

He's beginning to talk!!!

He's been able to say a few words, but lately his  vocab is exploding..

you can hear him TRYING to say words, trying to repeat me (or daddy)

He trys to say 'Eryn' now, but it comes out:  eaurn..mostly just vowel sounds..

He can even blow his nose on request !

He adores our dog  (too bad the feeling wasn't mutual) and is constantly hugging him, hanging on him, pulling his fur, feeding him, etc..

Sirius has become WAY more patient with the kids, but he's still a grumpy ol dog, and vocalizes his displeasure at being 'mauled' by the kids....  but he doesnt  'nip' at them anymore  (unless Aiden's making a grab for his face..but then it's just a warning nip, nothing really ill intended...)

but nevertheless, I'm always alert to kid-dog interactions in the house.

 

Eryn has started going to daycare twice a week, giving me some much needed one on one time with Aiden.

He seems to enjoy the days Eryn is away. He can play with all the toys she 'covets' and so refuses to share with her brother, that I have to take those toys away from the both of them.

Like the new play doctor kit, that Nana brought over...

 

He's finally grown enough hair that it's actually groomable now. He's got all his teeth, cept for the very back pair of molars. His 'turned in' toes still havent corrected themselves to the point we'd like, but we have the follow up appt. with the specialist after the holidays.  It doesnt seem to slow him down much though...

 

Over all, Aiden is a real delight, a real lil boy.

He LOVES to cuddle, especially if he's getting tired.

I love cuddling with him,  he smells like warm butter.

My 'baby'  is a little boy now.....

sigh

it DOES  go by quickly!!!

 

I  put a couple new pics of him in the photo album above, taken on a day his sister was in daycare.